Commentary and information about public safety and security, intelligence and counterintelligence, open government and secrecy, and other issues in northern Idaho and eastern Washington.

Location: Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, United States

Raised in Palouse, WA. Graduated from Washington State University. US Army (Counterintelligence). US Secret Service (Technical Security Division) in Fantasyland-on-the-Potomac and Los Angeles. Now living in north Idaho.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Techie Humor

This is a deviation from the usual police and security related stuff I post. My wife and I were very active in our church's drama programs before moving to Coeur d'Alene. We weren't actors; we were techies. We have an amazing array of black clothing as well as the requisite Gerber tool, screw guns, mini-flashlight with red lens, gaffer tape, spiking tape, plumber's strapping tape, and hot glue. Here is some techie humor extracted from several Internet websites:

Techie Proverbs

Behold, my son here is wisdom. Pay heed to these words, and in the days of thy play, in the hours of thy performing, thou shalt not be caught short. For truly, it is said, pay heed to the errors of others and you shall not make them yourself, and again, as we have been told from on old, to thine own self be true.

1.Give not unto the actor his props before his time, for as surely as the sun does rise in the East and set in the West, he will lose or break them.

2.When told the placement of props by the Director, write not these things in ink upon thy script for as surely as the winds blow, so shall he change his mind.

3.Speak not in large words to actors, for they are slow of thought and are easily confused.

4.Speak not in the language of the TECHIE to actors, for they are uninitiated, and will not perceive thy meaning.

5.Tap not the head of a nail to drive it, but strike it firmly with thy strength.

6.Keep holy the first performance, for afterwards you shall party.

7.Keep holy the last performance, for afterwards you shall party.

8.Remember always that the Technical Director is never wrong. If appears that he is, then you obviously misunderstood him the first time.

9.Leave not the area of the stage during the play to go and talk with the actors, for as surely as you do, you will be in danger of missing your cue and being summarily executed or worse.

10.Beware of the actors during scene changes, for they are not like unto you and are blind in the dark.

11.Beware of actors when flying in walls, for they will stand and watch and get crushed.

12.Take not thy cues before their time, but wait for the proper moment to do so.

13.Take pity on the actors, for in their roles they are as children, and must be led with gentle kindness. Thus, endeavor to speak softly and not in anger.

14.Listen carefully to the instructions of the Director as to how he wants things done - then do it the right way. In the days of thy work, he will see thy wisdom, give himself the credit, and rejoice.

15.And above all, get carried away not with the glow-tape, or thy stage will be like unto an airport.


Blogger Happy X. Dopey said...

As a some time actor, I must say I resemble your remarks...Very funny post, Bill.

4:42 AM, May 12, 2005  

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